nothing would break my heart more than this.

lately for some reason i have been thinking a lot, too much about mortality with regard to the people around me. and the phrase "nothing would break my heart more than -" has been making its rounds in my mind. so if i look at you with a frown that is a mix of distraction with a dash of disturbance, yup i might just be mentally counting down. it's really morbid i know, but maybe it's a season i am meant to go through before i come to terms with some things.

"nothing would break my heart more than . . . "
"nothing would make me happier than . . . "
"nothing means more to me than . . . "

these are really all about the same things, or the loss of them. some friends say that i seem rather hardy and adaptable but i find that it's probably also rather noticeable in my past and ongoing works that i don't deal with changes and loss very well. that might be why i choose to face these struggles and understand them and myself better through photography instead. sometimes this shows up even in my design work too.

whenever i find a line stuck in my mind as i do this moment, it usually ends up becoming the title of my next series but i'm afraid this time i don't think i will do it. words will hold my fears for now.

my faith leads me to believe in eternity. yet this same faith also includes the inevitable realisation that not everyone will partake in the good part of this eternity.

i just hope you know that nothing matters more to me than seeing you all in eternity.

我只希望你知道， 对我而言，没有任何东西比能够在永生时看到你们更重要。

hopes are selfish in a way.